


The Phoenix and the Raven

by Professor SS19 (ProfessorSS19)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25228777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorSS19/pseuds/Professor%20SS19
Summary: Across the years, Fawkes develops quite the interest and then bond with Albus Dumbledore's latest project, Severus Snape.   Able to speak once every five years to a subject of his choice, Fawkes sees how instrumental Severus will be and seeks to keep him focused.  What he underestimates is just how much he will grow to care for Albus' wayward ward.  SS, AD, MM, Fawkes.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	The Phoenix and the Raven

**Author's Note:**

> Just a completed one write, oneshot on Severus, Albus and Fawkes the Phoenix. I have loved looking at this in more detail, and maybe it is something I might return to in the future! Until then though, I hope you enjoy, and feedback is the biggest help on my current quest to get better as a writer. With love ~ SS19

* * *

**The Phoenix and the Raven**

**1971**

"I think, perhaps, young Mr. Snape, we need to have a brief chat. Have a seat." Headmaster Dumbledore gestured to the single chair before his desk before he moved to his much larger and more ornate chair, waiting until Severus had sat down, keeping his fingers carefully interlocked in his lap, staring at them.

"I have been hearing some very positive comments from the majority of your teachers, Mr. Snape. They think you have the makings of a very impressive first year student; particularly Professor Slughorn. He speaks most highly of your Potions ability."

Severus continued to stare at his hands, fidgeting with the overgrown thumbnail, biting his lower lip until he could taste metal and feel a little stab of pain at tender flesh exposed to the elements.

"However; it has also come to the attention of the professors that you perhaps display knowledge or interest in some more dark pursuits, which are inappropriate in any wizard, particularly a wizard in the making and in his first year of education at Hogwarts." Headmaster Dumbledore leaned forward so his elbows rested on his desk, and he could rest his bearded chin on his hands, "Mr. Snape, it is more respectful to make eye contact during a conversation."

He raised his gaze carefully to the blue eyes behind golden spectacles. "To practice Dark magic will attract the attention of the wrong sorts, Mr. Snape, and it can lead you into trouble. You can attract as much fame and as much genius through Light magic. It is unnecessary to practice and perfect such charms as I have heard you have cast. It is not something we encourage here at Hogwarts."

Severus wanted to reply, thinking of the Gryffindors who mocked him and laughed at him and teased him, but something made him think that perhaps Headmaster Dumbledore was somehow reading his mind and seeing these images, for his next question was particularly pertinent, "You should never need to resort to Dark magic to defend yourself, Mr. Snape, especially not in my school. If, perhaps, there is something you wish to tell me..." He left the sentence lingering and hanging between them, and Severus considered it for a brief moment, but when he went to speak, no words came, or at least not the words that uttered the truth, and instead, he murmured, "No, Professor."

Dumbledore contemplated him for a good few moments longer and Severus tried to think instead of the amount of homework he needed to complete, and his latest book that he had borrowed from the library. It was not that the wizened Headmaster had not seemed kind and supportive; but Severus knew never to trust anyone, particularly those who had some sort of power or authority. He was never chosen or encouraged by people in power.

"I imagine you must have many assignments to complete; we do like to make sure our first years work hard, to rise to our expectations. Bear with me a moment, Mr Snape, I have something I think might interest you." Professor Dumbledore stood and moved into the adjoining room, leaving Severus alone at his desk – and of course, his curious eyes swept around the main office, lingering on the many instruments and trinkets and books – and falling on a pair of eyes looking straight back at him.

The bird had bright red, orange and gold feathers and when Severus looked at it, it seemed to straighten on its perch and regard him with some sense of...well Severus would say superiority if it was not...a bird...and yet at the same time he did not seem able to move his gaze from it. He glanced toward the room where Professor Dumbledore had disappeared and stood cautiously, moving toward what he recognised to be a phoenix. The phoenix continued to observe him, and did not move when Severus came a little nearer. Severus did not say anything, but the bird seemed to tilt its head as if it was...listening?

"Oh, I see you have met Fawkes." Professor Dumbledore's voice almost startled Severus, but some sense of calm seemed to have settled over him as he watched the phoenix. "He seems to like you." Professor Dumbledore closed the gap between him and his familiar, holding out a hand to stroke the brilliant plumage gently and affectionately. "He is quite the marvel, particularly now in all his wonderful glory. Aren't you, Fawkes?" Still Fawkes stared at Severus, and even the Headmaster seemed to notice this, looking from him to the boy, and then back to the bird, "Fawkes, in fact, seems to find you most intriguing, Mr Snape."

"What does that mean?" Severus asked in response, and he realised after he spoke the words that he felt as if he was speaking more to the phoenix, than the Headmaster, "What does he want?"

"It is not for us mere mortals to even try to fathom." Professor Dumbledore finished stroking the phoenix's crest, "Fawkes has been my familiar for many decades now, and I still do not seek to understand him." He retracted his hand, "Now, here is something for you, Mr. Snape. In third year, you are able to elect for other subjects; but I think, in your study of Potions, this text on ancient runes might be of interest to you." He passed the small navy covered book to Severus, who uttered a soft phrase of gratitude, even as Professor Dumbledore did not remove his hand from the book immediately. "Remember my advice, Mr. Snape. Dark magic is not something valued here at Hogwarts. I hope not to have the conversation with you again."

"Yes, Professor."

"Off you go, so you are not late for dinner."

As Severus was leaving, he thought Professor Dumbledore must have spoken again, because there was a voice, but at the same time it was entirely different in tone and in syllabic structure, more like music, than words. _"It is more important for you, Severus, to find balance. We will meet again; more than once."_

He looked back, just once, but Professor Dumbledore was writing on parchment and had not raised his head, and to himself, Severus considered how absurd it was that he had considered for just one moment it had been Fawkes. Phoenixes did not talk; and even if they did, a bird of such majesty would never have spoken to _him_.

* * *

**1976**

His hands would not stop shaking, no, this was more than shaking, it was trembling, his entire body was trembling and as much as he tried to get it under control he had to accept that all of him was out of control, he could not stop staring, he could not stop breathing so rapidly it still hurt his chest, and his fingers and hands would not stop twisting and convulsing even as he held them as tight as he could in his lap.

"Professor McGonagall, will you see your lions back to their dormitory; I hope they will heed my words, and consider just how disappointed I am in them." Professor Dumbledore was seated in his usual chair, and his voice was particularly sombre. Professor McGonagall rose and nodded, sharply, just once, and then gestured to the boys stood a good distance away from Severus. She, out of all of the adults in the room, had seemed most on his side, on Severus' side, and he wished he was in her House if only to have her on his side, always.

"Horace, I wish to speak to Mr. Snape alone. I will send him down to the dungeons, perhaps you could arrange for him to have something to eat."

Severus glanced toward his own Head of House who seemed to have very little to say to him, as always, as the Potions Master left the small office, and he was alone with Professor Dumbledore. Although...not quite alone...as they were still joined by the phoenix.

"Mr. Snape. I suggest you count as you inhale, and then exhale, and try to increase the numbers so you can calm down. I understand that you have had quite the...experience...tonight, but I do need to have a conversation with you about the consequences of your actions, as I have had with the other students involved."

Consequences, Severus thought to himself. Consequences? Nothing more than a slight slap on the wrist and subjected to a short disappointed talk from the Headmaster. Where was the expulsion; Black had tried to murder him. But the words would not come, he could not even formulate them, as he still fought for his breathing.

Silence reigned.

His fingers were bleeding. He did not think Professor Dumbledore had noticed, and he was not sure he wanted him to. He wanted to leave this tiny office with all its glowing trinkets and the number of paintings on the wall that now seemed to be very interested in him, he wanted to leave the school, and once again his mind wandered to that place Lucius had told him about, a place with a man who would value him for who and what he was...what Severus could be...

"Mr. Snape. What you have done tonight is very grave."

His knuckles were white.

"To try to catch out Mr. Lupin, out of your own curiosity, is a very sorry characteristic, do you not think?"

He raised his head, "They tried to kill me!"

"You chose to go, Mr. Snape. They had no control over your actions. In all honesty, Mr Snape, this is not the first time you have tried to antagonise the other boys. It is obvious, to me, that this was a prank that unfortunately nearly went very wrong."

Severus' fingers finally stilled. "A...prank?"

"Yes. A school boy prank; the Gryffindor students did not think, fully, about the consequences of their actions, but is my opinion that you went with intent." Professor Dumbledore raised himself to a standing position, and now he seemed to tower over the smaller Severus, "I am unsure of how to proceed here. You knowingly and willingly endangered a student who was unable to be in control of his actions; had Mr. Lupin seen you, Mr. Snape, there is no telling what might have happened, but rest assured, he may well have lost his home and his only place of safety, which is what Hogwarts is."

"...He is a werewolf, he would have killed me..."

"Mr. Lupin has safely been at Hogwarts for five years Mr. Snape until you tried to unbalance that. You seem unwilling to accept the consequences of your own actions. You are not innocent in this, Mr. Snape."

"I..." Severus shook his head, and with all of the stubbornness and determination he had developed over years of being the one blamed, the one forgotten, the one passed over, he refused to look at the Headmaster, or answer any more of his questions, rhetorical or otherwise, and instead he started to retreat to that place where there was a cave and inside the cave was beautiful, but it was only beautiful when it was dark, and only then could he see...

_"All is not yet lost, Raven."_

He continued to glare at the carpet below his dirtied boots, but this voice he did not seem able to ignore or block out.

_"You have not realised it yet; you have not lost it all, yet; but when you do, remember this, Raven, there is always hope. There will always be hope. Hope for you."_

Severus swallowed around the lump in his throat, and sneaked the smallest glance toward the phoenix, unable to respond.

_"You can respond; you do not have to talk aloud to me. As my keeper said, phoenixes work in mysterious ways that mere mortals cannot fathom. Before I then, enlightened you that you would see me again."_

Severus returned his gaze to his lap, and thought, _"How could you know this would happen?"_

_"Not this, particularly; but I sense when paths are intertwined. I can even guarantee you now, Raven, that our paths will entwine once more, and then repeatedly."_

_"I am not a Raven."_

_"You are to me."_

"Mr. Snape. Are you listening to me?" Professor Dumbledore's tone appeared to have hardened even more, and Severus raised his head, "Yes."

"I will allow to you to remain here at Hogwarts; but I suggest, most vehemently, that you focus on your studies and examinations for the remainder of time." This was not a voice to be argued with.

_"I do not think we will meet again, phoenix. I cannot stay here."_

_"You will realise, Raven, that a pattern for you is that you do not always have the ability to make the choice you most wish to make."_

_"What does that mean?"_

"Good night, Mr. Snape. You may go, now." The tone was sharply dismissive and Severus almost leapt up from the chair in his haste to leave, and more when he received no reply from the phoenix.

* * *

**1981**

He was huddled into his robes, still shivering. The sofa was comfortable, but he was not sure he deserved such opulence. He simply pulled his cloak tighter around him, half watching Headmaster Dumbledore scuttle around the office, before pushing a beaker of an amber coloured liquid into the younger man's hand. "Drink this."

Severus did so without questioning. The liquid both burned and soothed his throat, and he closed his eyes because he felt them starting to water. "Thank you." He whispered. If Headmaster Dumbledore heard him, there was no immediate answer as the older wizard sat for a very long moment, staring into the fire that roared in the hearth.

_"I told you so."_

"What?" His tired mind forgot to think, and he spoke aloud, and this did rouse Headmaster Dumbledore who looked to him, "What did you say, Severus?"

He flinched at the use of his name, spoken in a voice that could have been soft and caring and encouraging had Severus not committed so much evil and therefore never deserved anything vaguely comforting again, "Sorry, I was, to myself." His broken sentence did not appear to reassure the Headmaster, who moved to observe him. "You will be safe here, Severus." A pause, "One day, I aspire for us even to be friends, rather than teacher and ex-student. I do accept though that this will take time; you will need time to find who you are, outside of the circle of Death-Eaters." Albus Dumbledore reached out a hand and pressed it to Severus' shoulder and the warmth that permeated was entirely too intense, "You will need to cut ties with those individuals, as you agreed at your trial, and when Lord Voldemort returns you will be able to carry out your remainder of your promise to me."

Severus nodded but did not look at him.

"My office has a guest quarters; you may stay there tonight, I appreciate that the last three days have taken a great toll on you both emotionally and physically." Dumbledore rose, "Your attempts to resist the Veritaserum were most impressive; I think you would be especially good at Occlumency, Severus, which is something we must discuss in due course. Perhaps you will allow me to teach you, for it will be necessary for you to Occlude your mind more completely when you return as a spy. Allow me a few minutes to make the guest room a little less like where I put things that do not have a home."

Severus found himself nodding, again, what was this, was this all he did now, nod to commands? Once, he had been making the commands, designing the strategy, advisor, lieutenant and now, and now...

_"Now you might be able to find that balance."_

Severus jumped, and then jumped again when the phoenix with the impressive wingspan came and landed on the coffee table before him, _"I feel we should get better acquainted, Raven."_

"Do you speak to him?"

_"Not often; Albus and I have very little to say to each other; but you, there is much I can say to you, and will say to you."_

"Am I like you, now?"

_"In what way?"_

"Well, like a bird, trapped in an office." Severus kept his voice soft, but that did not stop the phoenix from appearing amusingly affronted, _"You think I am trapped here, Raven?"_

"Obviously. You are a phoenix, you could go anywhere."

The bird tilted his head, _"I could. I still could. Technically, so could you."_

"No." Severus whispered, "I made a promise. A vow."

_"So did I. Did you choose to make it?"_

"Yes."

_"Then you are not trapped; you are doing what you believe is right. As am I."_

"Why did you make a promise? Who did you make it to?"

_"That is a story for a different day, Raven."_ Fawkes hopped a little closer to him, almost close enough for Severus to touch, and his fingers trembled as he desperately wanted to, imagining how soft those feathers would be, "Can I..."

_"Of course."_

He moved his hand to close the small gap between them, and the back of his index fingers brushed against red and orange plumage, and the feeling was so gentle and seemed to speak to him somewhere deep within. Almost automatically, his hand stilled, but remained against the bird, and the sensation of Fawkes breathing and watching him...Severus felt something move, something inside, like the words, and his eyes burnt hot -

"I always thought Fawkes seemed to like you, Severus. He is, and always has been, an excellent judge of character." Dumbledore interrupted them, "I am sure he will very much enjoy getting to know you Severus. Now, I think sleep is in order."

* * *

**1986**

"I did warn you Headmaster, I am good at chess."

"This is true Severus, but you did tell me that three years ago, and have only just beaten me, which I am not sure is a testament to your abilities in 1983..." Albus Dumbledore had never been truly gracious in defeat, and now was no exception.

"I may have just been luring you in, like a serpent."

"For three years, Severus–I mean I know you are a patient man, but honestly, that is quite the feat of endurance." Albus saw the shadow of a smile on those thin lips, and decided that his subtle teasing was clearly going to be accepted in this situation, "You may have been waiting for me to take pity on you, and let you win."

"You do not strike me as someone who lets people win, Headmaster, no matter how high you hold them in esteem." Severus sat back in his chair, and Albus chuckled at the bare bravery of that sentence, "Suggesting I hold you in high esteem, Severus?"

"Do you not, Headmaster?"

Five years since he had brought Severus here to Hogwarts once more, and five years of learning, five years of building, five years of laying foundations, and five years of burgeoning blossoming friendship that Albus found to be truly fulfilling, "I am still deciding that, my dear boy."

Severus raised one dark eyebrow and seemed to be about to reply, when there was a knock at the door and Minerva's face peered around the frame at them. "Albus, I hate to disturb, but there is a matter that requires your attention involving three students and some strange apparitions on the fifth floor."

"How peculiarly intriguing, Minerva–I shall come at once."

"I will tidy here, Headmaster. Thank you for the game."

"Oh I see, Severus, you only thank me when you win...as that's the first time in three years that you have said such simple words."

"All part of the act, Headmaster. Enjoy your mysterious apparitions." Severus began to pack the chess board and the various cups and plates away, when behind him there was a cawing note. He stilled, and turned his attention toward the slightly smaller version of the phoenix that normally inhabited his perch. "Hello, Fawkes."

_"Good evening, Raven. You appear to be rather enjoying your captivity?"_

Severus stood nearer to the perch, "Why do you speak so rarely?"

_"I can only speak once every five years and therefore I choose my moments most carefully."_ The phoenix presented his crest most obviously for Severus to stroke, _"You did not answer about your captivity, Raven."_

Severus traced a thoughtless pattern on the reddening feathers. "I am beginning to understand."

_"Understand?"_

"What you see in him."

_"Ah. Enlighten me?"_

"He...permeates. I want...I want to make him proud, I want to live up to his expectations. I want to...fulfil my promise to him."

_"You do understand, or certainly more than you did."_

"I think he genuinely believes in me. Perhaps the only one who ever has - ouch!" He withdrew his hand when the bird pecked at it, rather violently, "Why did you do...I am bleeding now..."

_"I have believed in you, all this time. Have you forgotten?"_

"No–you told me to find balance." Severus sucked his sore thumb, "And that there was always hope for me."

_"I think that is the pinnacle of believing in someone, Raven."_

"I stand corrected then...Phoenix." He shot back, and if he was not of sound mind he might have thought the bird seemed to smile in a way that was similar to his familiar. "Thank you for your faith."

_"You are welcome. But..."_ Here, Fawkes seemed to hesitate, as if not sure whether to proceed. Severus lowered his throbbing hand, "What? But, what?"

_"I fear your faith will be tested. Tested beyond what you can imagine."_

"Tested by who?" Severus hated mysteries and riddles, "My faith in myself?"

_"Your faith in the only place it matters, Raven."_

"I do not understand what you..."

The door to the office opened once more and Albus and Minerva came through, mid conversation, "How in Merlin's name did three second-years manage to conjure the ghost of such a long dead witch, Albus?!"

"I have no idea, my dear girl, most bizarre. Even more bizarre is the fact they were Ravenclaws who I would have thought knew better." The Headmaster of Hogwarts glanced toward Severus and Fawkes who had turned to regard them, and then to Minerva, and both his Heads of House responded in the same moment in the same tone with, "Well yes, it would normally be foolish Gryffindors, Headmaster" or "Well yes, it would normally be unthinking Slytherins, Albus" and then the two Heads of House turned to glare at each other. Albus chuckled genially and amicably, "History has a way of repeating itself, dear friends. Severus, you appear to only just have half your thumb. Did I not warn you that Fawkes has quite the beak?"

Severus hid his sore hand behind his back, "No, Headmaster, you did not."

"See, Severus," Albus moved toward him and held out his hand for Severus to offer his, which the younger wizard did without thinking, as natural as such care was becoming to him, "Fawkes is loyal to those loyal to me, without question, and unfortunately you will have offended by beating me so soundly tonight." He examined Severus' hand and Severus was trying to ignore the warm little flame that burnt in his chest at the gentle contact, "I imagine his plan was to remove all of your fingers and thumbs over time so you cannot play. I will speak to him on your behalf."

Severus glanced to Fawkes, who cawed in an affronted manner at the very idea he would resort to such violence, and Albus raised both eyebrows, "Perhaps not. Perhaps he enjoys the fact I have found someone who can challenge me at these pursuits; he must have been entirely bored over the last few years watching me best you so often, Severus."

_"Bored is not the word I would use."_

Severus smiled at those words, realised no one else could hear them, and then tried to cover his smile, but he was foolish to believe such a thing had escaped the ever observant Headmaster who once more, as he had done over the many years, looked from Severus to his phoenix with building curiosity. "I think perhaps you have something of an ally, rather than a creature here, Severus. After all, phoenixes recognise loyalty above all else."

Severus ducked his head and retracted his hand to hide the flush to his cheeks, "I think I have left some papers to mark in my office, actually, Headmaster, Deputy Headmistress. Good night."

Minerva left only moments after Severus, and Albus was left with his phoenix, "Do not think I do not know what you are doing, Fawkes."

Fawkes regarded him silently, stoically, simply.

"I think I will be grateful he has you, will I not?"

Fawkes simply sang a note in response, but even that one sound could sober Albus' mood. "Not too soon, I hope."

* * *

**1991**

Severus was in his office, having just dismissed Argus and his not particularly effective methods of bandaging his gashed and bitten thigh. He seized more fabric from the box on his desk and tried once more to clean the freshly shed blood and then wrap the fabric tightly around his thigh and then calf.

_"You know, Raven, phoenix tears have healing properties."_

Severus jumped, lost his grip, swore, moaned at the throbbing in his leg, swore again, and then turned sharply in his chair to face the phoenix, "How did you get here?"

_"Phoenix. Magical properties, a bit like my tears."_

Severus exhaled, "I do not think a simple flesh wound is enough for your valuable tears, Fawkes." He focused his attention back on the bandaging, ignoring the phoenix. Therefore, Fawkes moved closer until he was on the table next to Severus, watching the bandaging of the leg. _"You seem a little absent from my office."_

"The Headmaster's Office; and yes, I am."

_"Is that because you are keeping an eye on someone, or because he does not want to hear you rant about Harry Potter?"_

Severus tied a knot in the bandage and straightened, reaching for a cloth to clean his bloodied fingers. "Neither."

_"He does listen."_

"No, Albus Dumbledore hears only what he wants to hear, and actions only what he wishes to action. I should have known that as soon as another Potter came to Hogwarts, things would change." Severus rubbed his hands with more force than he perhaps needed to for such fresh blood. "I'm the one facing the three headed dog after all, and getting my leg bitten in the first place." He exhaled, "Promises, promises."

_"You did promise."_

"I know, thank you, phoenix."

_"You can still change your mind."_

"Can I?" Severus stood, packing away his healing equipment, "Have I ever been able to change my mind?"

_"Yes."_

"Should I change my mind?" Severus slammed the healing kit to the back of the cabinet, "It would be much easier. We are two months into the term, and the boy has already tried to fight a troll; I am supposed to be keeping him alive, and there is someone trying to murder him, or perhaps just students generally."

Fawkes moved on the table, " _He will be something of a challenge."_

Severus leaned back against the closed door of the cabinet. "Would you know if the Dark Lord was returning?"

_"Beyond my realm."_

"You sound like Sybil; I always hated Divination. 'The cards are unclear'," His tone was mocking, and not in the polite or affectionate sense, "Perhaps my dreams are utterly unclear too, except, oh, the Dark Lord features in all of them."

_"And what is the Dark Lord doing in these dreams?"_

"What the Dark Lord does, phoenix!" Severus moved from the cabinet and started, with no less anger, stacking books in thickness order on his desk, "Killing those I love, with me unable to prevent it." He piled another six books on top of each other, "As much as I believe the Headmaster would best him should he return, it would help not seeing the opposite each night."

Fawkes did not immediately respond, but continued to watch him, head tilted.

"What? What is it? Why do you have to look knowingly smug, like your keeper?" Severus folded his arms at the lack of immediate response from the phoenix, "What?"

_"I was just enjoying the moment."_

"What moment?"

_"Long time coming; but then again, being an immortal, I have to have massive amounts of patience, and have seen it all before."_

Severus glared, "Seen all _what_ before?"

_"The unexpected realisation which is expected by everyone else, Raven."_

Severus' glare faded into an expression of thought, which lingered. Fawkes offered nothing else, knowing that Severus was going back over their dialogue, and seeing no reason to interrupt because even when it came to matters of the emotions and the heart, Severus was far more intelligent than he gave himself credit for.

The expression changed.

Fawkes sang a happy melody in exchange.

"Damn it." Severus whispered.

_"Now you understand, Raven. Now you understand why I am not trapped. Now you understand why I stay; and more importantly, why you stay."_

"Damn it all to hell." Severus whispered with considerably more poison, but Fawkes found this only even more amusing.

* * *

**1996**

Without knocking, without stopping, without any politeness, Severus stormed into Albus' office, slammed the door, and stood against it.

Albus raised his head from his sheaf of parchment, "Severus, I am due at the Ministry in five minutes, can you come back later?"

Severus folded his arms, and sought for calm, and spoke only when he had found some composure. "I do not want to see you. I want to see Fawkes."

Albus looked to the bird on his perch, and then back to Severus. "May I ask why?"

"No. You may not."

"Severus, I accept you are still angry at me but this is not conducive to our friendship or working relationship and I -"

"Thought you were going to the Ministry, Headmaster?"

Albus flinched at the venom on his title and exhaled, "I am. I hope you will be here when I come back and perhaps we can talk about this in more detail?" When he received no response, he simply gathered some powder from the top of his fireplace and disappeared with only the briefest look back.

Severus leaned heavily against the door. "I cannot do this."

Fawkes said nothing.

"I cannot...do this..." Severus shook his head, tightening his arms over his chest, "I cannot do what he asks of me. I cannot kill him. I cannot do it. I am going to let him down. I am going to break my promise. I am going to let him down because I cannot do it. You need to help me. You need...you need to help me...please..."

Fawkes considered him.

"Fawkes, please. You understand me; you believe in me; tell me there is another way, tell me I can break the promise, tell me I can change my mind, you always said I could, tell me there is another way, tell me I can leave because I cannot and I will not kill him. I cannot. I cannot."

_"Raven, I am sorry."_

Severus slumped down into a sitting position against the door, expression crumpling before he covered his face with his hands. Fawkes swooped to land beside him, and when Severus did not raise his face, he nudged a shaking arm with his beak and the top of his head. _"You know I cannot give you what you want."_

Severus lowered one hand. "Please."

_"You think you want permission to break the promise, Raven. You think that is what you seek."_

Severus looked to the bird, "Is that not what I seek?"

_"No, Raven, it is not, and I think you do know this."_

Severus shook his head, "I do not understand what you mean."

_"You do not want to flee from this responsibility; and you will see it through, because you have not broken a promise to him, and you will not do so now. What you want though is recognition."_

"Recognition? Recognition that I have not broken a promise to him?"

Fawkes shifted position and waited until Severus was looking at him, the pause catching his attention. _"Raven, you want someone to recognise how hard it is. For you."_

Severus pulled at his bottom lip with his teeth. He did not immediately respond. Without any apparent conscious thought, he reached out and stroked the bird's crest. "Do you see the irony, Phoenix?"

_"What irony?"_

"All those years ago, do you remember, when I sat before him and he told me that Dark magic would never be encouraged at Hogwarts, that it was something I should give up, and now, now he requests it of me, and the worst of them all. How does he know I can...how does he know I will...be able to?" Severus' voice fractured on the syllables of his question multiple times. Fawkes could do nothing to sooth, except remain close, and when he knew that Severus understood that, he just allowed the wizard to brush his feathers until the silence that lingered between them had moved from angry emotions to agonising acceptance. "I have no choice. I have never had a choice, Fawkes."

_"You always have a choice, Raven, but you choose to do the right thing. This is the right thing."_

"I will kill your oldest friend, your companion, you are his familiar. How could you...how will anyone...understand?"

_"It will take others time to understand; I know you are doing it under his request, and remember, I know you. I know what you are, and what you have been?"_

Severus paused his stroking of the feathers, though the back of his fingers remained connected with the soft tendrils. He swallowed the question that clearly lingered at the back of his throat, and then swallowed again even as it appeared that his lips would speak the opening words, and Fawkes knew what the question would be, and he wished Severus would struggle to speak it.

"Do you...do you know..." Severus watched the phoenix's dark eyes, "Do you know what I will be?"

Fawkes did not respond straight away. Instead they were interrupted by a presence at the fire place, and then the presence neared them, and when Severus did nothing to flee, sat beside them. An arm in a pale blue robe wrapped around Severus' shoulders and Severus still did nothing to resist, because he did not take his eyes off the phoenix, or more precisely, he did not take his eyes off the one tear that slipped from the phoenix's beady black eyes as the voice echoed in his mind.

_"Yes."_

* * *

**1997**

The window was open, and that made Fawkes wonder if perhaps there had been an expectation of his arrival. The more he considered, the more he realised it was not expectation at all, but something far more powerful in the form of hope. It had been hoped that he had come, but there had never been any doubt, and he wished his Raven knew that.

Speaking of which.

The Raven was curled up at the bottom of the stairs, sat on the last step, knees pulled to his chest, forehead resting on top of his knees, and even as Fawkes landed next to him with a flurry of wings and feathers and scuttling claws he could still hear the gentle sobbing. The black wand lay a good distance away, askew, and had clearly not been gently placed upon the floor. Fawkes' sharper senses detected that amber liquid he had rarely seen his counterpart drink, and the lack of reaction to his now urgent nudging of Severus' calf concerned the phoenix.

He hopped up onto the steps beside Severus' chest, and then beside his shoulder, but the other still just curved in further on himself as if he could break at the slightest pressure. He cawed and sang urgent notes, becoming more hurried, nudging and nuzzling the shoulder where he could reach, trying to offer some comfort or some affection because of course -

Of course -

"Will you not speak to me, Phoenix?" A voice, ripped from the security of arms.

Fawkes could do nothing. He could sing, yes, caw, coo, chirp, shout, but none of that would make any sense to a wizard shattered beyond any realisation. He wanted to share wisdom, he wanted to offer insight, he wanted to provide hope, but there was nothing he could say.

"He's gone." Severus whispered, and now there was movement, the head turned, so those dark eyes with the reddened rims and the dark circles and the wet streaks could look at the phoenix, "He's gone, Fawkes. You are free. I am free." The forehead creased and folded in on itself as, in the utter contrast to the words that were spoken, more guttural, harsh, staggering sobs followed. Fawkes moved closer to where there was now exposed cheek, damp and sticky though it was, touching his beak and then his crest to the surface, rubbing carefully and cautiously. "I don't want to be free of him." Severus murmured. "I want him back. I want him back." A sharp inhale. "But he cannot come back. Because I broke him."

Fawkes had seen, less frequently admittedly in the days leading up to tonight, his counterpart brush a gentle hand against the Raven's cheeks in pride or affection, and he hoped this was what he was exhibiting here.

A shaking hand, why was it his hands were always shaking, raised to brush against the phoenix's feathers, "Will you stay?" Such gentle need, such careful requesting, such heartbreaking hope.

Fawkes never could resist a lost cause, after all.

He stayed, as Severus finally lifted himself from the stairs.

He stayed, as Severus slowly carried himself up the stairs.

He stayed, as Severus defeatedly threw himself into the bed.

He stayed, as Severus brokenly pulled the blanket around himself.

He stayed, as Severus stared out of the open window at a starless sky.

And he stayed, as sheer exhaustion and devastation and desperation claimed the other.

Loyal, until the end, a characteristic of his Raven.

And as Fawkes sang, haunting, soothing, caring, a lamenting lullaby, this lament was not for his once companion and counterpart and keeper.

This lament was for the one who would prove to be the most loyal there ever had been.

* * *

**1998**

His Raven was dying.

That was not the promise he had made.

This was not the promise he would break.

Not to him.

Not for _him_.

* * *

**2001**

The branches were adorned with yellow flowers that darkened toward their centres with orange nubs, and their sweet honey scent would be sickly had it not drifted through the air with balance, rather than clung with heaviness. They were the rarest show of colour amongst more shades of green than could be imagined; and where the light sparkled and transformed there were even more still. All the colours swung and danced and hummed in the gentlest breeze and were reflected back at themselves in the water below them. This was all imprinted into his mind's eyes, for his own eyes were closed, not to block out, but to allow him to reflect too, inward, within, no longer focused on without. The wooden structure around him was warmed by the sunlight, and he found some comfort he supposed in the shade, though it was not comfort he ultimately sought but peace and tranquillity and -

_"Balance?"_

He did not open his eyes immediately. There was no need. "Hello, Fawkes."

_"Hello, Raven."_

A moment passed.

"Five years?"

_"Five years, indeed."_

Now he opened his eyes. If he had thought the nature before him was stunning, breathtaking, beautiful beyond his own imagination, then Fawkes himself in the bright sunlight was resplendent, magnificent, proud and tall and brilliant. His plumage itself seemed to sing with every breath and every movement, his eyes bright and intelligent and sharp, and the beak still seemed almost to smile. Even after all this time, Severus did not doubt that perhaps the bird could smile.

_"Much has come to pass."_

Severus leaned back against the smooth supporting arch of the gazebo with a soft exhale, "Indeed. So much."

_"You chose to remain dead."_

Severus half smiled, "I chose to be free. You gave me that choice when you came to me. I chose to be free, and I chose to come here, where I feel peace is no longer a challenge to achieve."

_"They miss you, now they know."_

"I cannot go back. There is too much to remind me. I have nothing left there to build on. I lost that. I lost it all. Here I can brew, here I can read, here I can just...be."

_"Freedom."_

Severus looked to the bird, "What of you?"

_"Phoenixes are often destined to be nomadic. I spent the equivalent of a lifetime guarding, protecting and understanding the greatest wizard of a generation; learning. It takes time to find another quest, once one of such intensity and length is finished."_

"I would toast to that, Phoenix." Severus uncrossed his legs and stood, looking out over the shimmering pond, and the yellow flowers, and the green trees, and the blue sky. "I would ask you to stay, but you have found your freedom too, and to ask you to stay would ask you to give that up."

_"Perhaps."_ Fawkes flapped his wings just once to give himself enough lift to land on the barrier of the gazebo beside Severus. _"This was anciently called the land of the rising sun."_

"It was. The sun always rises, after all. Even...even for me. It still rose each morning. No matter how dark the path was. The sun still rose. There was always some sort of hope." Severus stroked Fawkes. "You could stay. There is much to explore. Much to learn. You are, after all, a comforting reminder of him."

_"He misses you the most. He knows, of course. He is the only one. He misses you, he wishes you would come home, but he knows you cannot and you will not. He knows that was the price he paid for your choice and for your loyalty to him."_

Severus' eyes glimmered the same was the surface of the pond did, and he cleared his throat. "This is easier. This is easier for me. I could not...I could not go back to that. I need to find my own path. I need to find balance. The constant reminder of what he asked me to do, admittedly for all the right reasons, admittedly because he had no choice of his own, admittedly because he knew I loved him enough to do whatever he asked, is too much."

_"I understand."_

"You knew, didn't you? You always said that you couldn't see the future so clearly, but you knew there was something about me, which is why you chose to talk to me." Severus turned his face to Fawkes, "You have always seen that I would be that piece in his puzzle."

_"I suspected as much. When you are with someone as long as I was with Albus Dumbledore, you begin to recognise the signs. I knew he would ask too much of you, even if he did not know it himself."_

"Yet you encouraged me to stay."

_"Was I wrong to do so?"_

Severus stilled his hand, but this time it was more of a hold, affectionate, familiar, reassuring. "Stay with me."

_"As your familiar, Raven?"_

"No." Severus offered his arm, and Fawkes did not hesitate to hop onto it, and when he did so, there was a smile that this time did not seem out of place on Severus' lips, as if for the first time it was not haunted by the fear of loss or the fear of running out of time or the fear of being used. Instead it was, above all things, perfectly balanced.

"As my friend."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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